Tuesday, March 2, 2010

disappointment (continuation of "stained")

Ever been so disappointed in someone that you just look at them differently? That you find yourself not wanting to be around someone or be associated with them in anyway possible? You try to distance yourself from that person as much as possible and as far as you're concerned that relationship, whether friendship, dating or other, is officially over in your mind? But what do you do when that person is the one you see every day in the mirror?

Ever woke up in the morning, looked in the mirror and realized that you fucked up? Not for a few days or the last year even, but for a significant amount of time? How different would life be if you would have committed to one idea instead of putting it off? If you had completed a task in stead of slacking off on it. If you had just followed the plan you created yourself in your head. You put up with the bullshit of others because of far as your concerned you are the king/queen of bullshitting. You begin to devalue yourself as you see others around you rising higher while you're at a stand still.

How do you look at yourself in the mirror when you don't like what you see? How do you reminisce when you have nothing but failure and bed decisions to look back on? How do you plan for future endeavors when you still have to fix past mistakes? You feel yourself slowly sinking in that quicksand again but can you fight it this time? Even worse than feeling like a disappointment to yourself.......you realize that you have been a disappointment to others that have past away.