Sunday, April 5, 2009

is he wrong for this?

A friend of mine, we will call Chris, was telling me about an issue he had with a lady friend. Now initially I thought he was wrong in it all but then I thought about it again and I'm in the middle. So here's the scenario:

Chris has been in a relationship with "Stacy" for two year. Over the course of the last five months, Stacy has not wanted to have sex at all. She would tell him that she just wasn't feeling it and they had sex no more than once a month for the last five months. Now as a guy that is very sexual lol, I can see his problem here. I've spoken with her and her reason is that although she still loves him and wants to spend her life with him, there's something missing in the romantic spectrum of their relationship which is preventing her from wanting to have sex. Interesting thing about it all is that, she apparently gets aroused but doesn't want to sleep with him anyway. It's also came to light that she purchased a sex toy for personal use. Chris does believe that she would never actually cheat on him, but he can't fathom how the love of his life could possible be horny enough to buy a sex toy, but not want to have sex with him.

He came to a point where he was ready to end things with her because the sexual part of their relationship was frustrating and confusing him way more than it should. Like I said, I initially disagreed with him on this, thinking that he couldn't end their relationship just because of the lack of sex when almost everything else is going great. I've thought about it again though and I can see his point. Marriages and relationships have a low success rate when there is bad or no sex, it's what causes people to cheat. He's tried to talk to her about it but she doesn't seem to know what needs to be done to change her feelings. According to Chris, he's tried to do a few things differently to make her happy and has tried to be more romantic but it's all for naught. He's pretty much ready to end it.

So originally, I told him he shouldn't end it just due to lack of sex but I've since changed my mind. I think he has a good point. I don't think a relationship can survive with a bad or non-existant sex life. It's the basic fabric of a relationship, it's sexual attraction that initially brings most people together. Without sex, I don't believe a relationship can survive.........unless you're over 60.

Maybe it's just a guy thing though, so I'm wondering the women think on this?

8 comments:

Neverendingchase said...

I agree with you City. I have to be physically and sexually attracted to someone to even consider a relationship with them. If i can't look you in the face and hold a conversation, things aren't gonna work. If I don't like working you over every chance I get, then it's REALLY not gonna work.

I mean, how do you plan to marry sum1 and and y'all dont even fuck??? And when y'all do it's garbage??? Thats not how I would like to spend the rest of my life. No Sir!!!

C. Alexis said...

hmmm this is kind of how me and the loser's relationship got once i was pregnant and miscarried. it like i was still attracted to him but i just couldnt have sex with him anymore, which was streange to me cuz i used to want to freak him anytime and anywhere. and i know how frustrating it was for him, and in the end he DID find himself with someone else.

situations like this are never win win because u never wasnt to let your mate think that everything is based on sex but at the same time that doubt about their commitment to you is present because they dont want to continue a physical relationship with you..its best to walk away before cheating is an option becuase that is a road thats hard as hell to reverse on....

Acolyte said...

The fact that she doesnt want to have sex with him points to larger problems in the relationship.
If it were religion or trauma I would understand but none of the above apply, so I would tell the dude to kick her to the curb asap!

TxBlasian said...

Ive read that sex is only 10% of the relationship, but if its not good it affects the rest of the relationship. They have only been together for 2 years, its only going to get worse, from once a month to once every few months. And if shes not feeling him sexually then theres more to it than not being horney. If she doesnt want to talk about it, he at least can say he made the effort to correct it.

TxBlasian said...

and you SHOULD still be getting after 60, hell that got pills for that now!

thundacat said...

ummm....if she buying a dildo and not fucking him...its definitely sumthing up!!!....for me dildo/vibrator is a last resort!!..either he aint doing it for her so she like why even waste my time fucking him, or she got issues. either way if she aint adult enough to talk about it with him...especially after 2 years..he need to BOUNCE!!

JSADTheKing said...

I agree its time to be out. Women are like that something will be wrong and you ask them what and they will respond with IDK, lol, but if a man doesn't have a solution then there isn't a problem so IDK isn't going to work as an answer.

Treasure said...

Wooow are u like in my thoughts! lol I have sooo been where "Stacy" is...Woooo, I need a moment. lol