Tuesday, May 5, 2009

boundaries

Sorry for the update delay (for those that care), I had a vacay, then came back with the bird flu, swine flu, sars, and mad cow disease so I been sick as hell. Ok, I didn't have any of those but I still been sick :)
On to the new post


I think their should be a written rule of boundaries when you and someone are "friends with benefits", so to speak. A friend of mine recently was asking me when was I gonna come around to meet her friends. This caught me off guard because I had no plans to ever meet her friends. I honestly don't care to meet them simply because I don't ever plan to be around them. To clarify a little, she and I are not friends by my definition. A friend is someone I hang out with because they are fun to be around. Someone who will be there for me in my time of need that won't constantly throw it in my face. She and I do not hang out for fun..........well we have fun but you get the point. I would not call her if I'm in a bind, ever, and we don't even really talk all that much. I don't really define her a a friend so why do I need to meet her friends?

Maybe I'm wrong on this but I assume that a relationship basically only based on sex would stay as that unless both parties choose to move it in another direction. Hell, even had she said something before hand it wouldn't have caught me so offguard. I'm thinking she is inching towards moving it a step forward but maybe doesn't know how to say it.

9 comments:

JSADTheKing said...

I know what your talking about,LOL I dated this woman, who was very cool, smart, and all of the above. And as usual I asked her to qualify for me what she was looking for and she siad friendship and fun. Which in my mind meant bootycall! So things were cool for about two month, now since I like to have time for my personal pursuits it wasn't odd for me to spend a lot of time hanging out with the bootycall chick! But all of a sudden she goes and buys video games, video game system, and she knew my son was coming to live with me so she even set up a room in her house for him, as well as have me a key to the house and the jag. Did I mention that she sprung all of this on me out of the blue when before then we were just kicking it.?
I headed for the hills LOL

poitree said...

I think where a lot of men go wrong is that they don't clarify what it is they have going. Be bold about it and let the woman know up front that you're not looking to be in a relationship with her. If you spend all this time doing all these different things outside the bedroom, YOU TOO have crossed the boundary of the "sex only" relationship.

At the same time, I've been there and done it. Women, we get all mixed up. We hear a man say he doesn't want anything. But, we, being the emotional nurturing creatures we are, decide to stick it out and show him we can be that one. We cook, we clean, and we screw our lil hearts out. LOL. Only to find, that if a man aint ready, he aint ready. And most of the time, if you've made yourself available in only the ONE capacity, most times, the guy you're "seeing" wont see you outside of what you've allowed yourself to be to him...shew...I may copy and post this as a blog post to remind myself why I no longer participate in those types of relationships. LOL.

My advice to you? Sit her down. Tell her flat out. If she sticks around anyway, know that she is doing so in the hopes that you will eventually change your mind. So..be prepared.

city said...

damn jsad lol, yeah your situation was much worse than mine. I just feel that if a role has been established for an extended period of time, one person shouldn't feel they can change it with some sort of consultation with the other

thehoustongirl said...

I REALLY liked what Poitree said! OMG I have been there with that too and don't want to go back lol

its like they want their cake and eat it too! *sigh* I just moved around, it wasn't worth it! You making yourself available, ect...for him and what do you get in return [besides some sex] ....

City, I see your angle, and yea just talk to ol girl and let her know YOUR intentions so she wont try to play dumb later...really THESE DAYS its not really 'safe' to do shit like this because people are so EMOTIONAL these days [MEN & women] and i just can't deal with that. ALOT of people are scared to be lonely and will hold on to ANYTHING just because its warm and have a working, functioning "private area" LOL!

Get you a main lady City, you kno you better than that my nig :D this "friends with benefits" shit really don't work these days on the cool. Too many diseases, EMOTIONAL PPL, babies, ect...its just ugh...shit you might get swine flu nigga LOL

but naw she a little sprung off your loving and want her FRIENDS to meet you?! has she been telling them how good you are in bed? oh HELL NAW! don't be surprised if the FRIENDS try to get at you [if they meet you] women so damn ..... ugh! that's why i dont have female friends...because of HS crap like that LMAO

AT LEAST she wasn't all trying to make your meet her family lol

take care city! good to see a post from you :D

city said...

sup houston and poitree, just for clarity purposes, we did establish the guildeline to the relationship but I will be bringing it to an end.

Houston, you ain't never lied about female friends. My exes cousin tried to get at me before (new blog idea, thanks Houston).

JSADTheKing said...

@city that used to be the game LOL were just friends but your putting it down and she tells her friends you putting down now they wanna see if the ride is all that!!!!

TxBlasian said...

I think if you make things crystal clear from the very start it could work, you both just have the right mind set, and there are rules! But like other rules they sometimes get broken. Sounds like you are ending your friends with benefits relationship for more or nothing at all, those may be the only options at this point.

dalioness said...

Okay city, Ms. Ness has to comment on this...Politely tell her that you decline meeting her friends because all this will do is put pressure on you to be something that you don't want to be and that's more than sex buddies..You need to nip this shit in the bud quick!! REAL WOMEN APPRECIATE HONESTY!

Treasure said...

a few yrs ago, I wrote a couple of poems that would apply to both sides of this topic...I will post them on my blog later just for you.