Friday, May 29, 2009

kindness is a weakness

Pure and simple. Anybody with the personality trait of being as kind as possible to others has a distinct weakness that they might not realize. People constantly say "don't mistake my kindness for a weakness" but it is. What caused you to actually have to say that statement? The fact that you realized that someone took advantage of that weakness. Yes you can change how you deal with the person afterwards, but it still happened. Your human weakness was exploited by someone you wouldn't have expected.

The interesting thing is, the people that end up taking advantage of your nice/generous/loyal/concerned/dependable nature is always someone that you wouldn't expect to do it. Of course that is as it should be, if you expect someone to take advantage of you, you would prevent it before it gets to that point. Instead, it's family, it's close friends, and it's significant others who are always the ones willing to see just how much they can benefit at you're expense. Consideration is not one of the easiest things for people to consistently have and when it comes down to you or them, they almost always pick them. You on the other hand also pick them because it's who you are as a person. The most selfless people are always the ones looking back and realizing that they shouldn't have done something

What happens when you confront someone on this usually? They either attempt to flip it in some sort of way or they apologize only to try to repeat the offense at a later time. Unfortunately, if you are the type that is usually being taken advantage of due to your overall kindness, it's not an easy trait to change. You might tell yourself it won't happen again, but lets be honest, it does. Sometimes it's by a brand new person, sometimes it's by the exact same one. Either way it's going to happen a few times, maybe a lot, before you start being more cautious as to how nice you are to certain people.

Kindness is a characteristic that most people have and it's part of being human. Problem is, it's one of the main reasons people look back and say to themselves "I was being really stupid" when thinking about a particular scenario. Unfortunately tho, it's tied to emotions. The more you care about a person, the more they can get over on you. Even when they do, you give them more and more chances because you truly love/care about them. Even when you are aware of it, you still let it happen because of who the person happens to be. I guess it's just something you have to try and be more aware of and learn from when dealing with certain people.



Anonymous said...

I feel that City!! When I was younger, I got 'burned' by people taking my kindness for weakness. I've gotten better, but sometimes you HAVE to be selfish with yourself so you won't get done like that. As I got older [25 now], I can "read" a person in a sense and 8 times out of ten, they're just bullshitting you and wasting your time. CUT THEM OFF IMMEDIATELY. They will suck the life out of you!! Its OK to tell people NO and I had to learn that sooo many times. IF they don't like it; tell em to kiss your fucking ass because YOU are the only person responsible for your happiness. Its a lot of shife in the world and people have progressively gotten worse. Watch your back and have GOD in your corner to decipher from right and you can spot decievement from a mile away [like i can]. We're human and make mistakes but I am the most happiest in my life now because I'm not taking shit from people nor hearing their sob stories. I have some cool folk on my side [including my blog subscribers!!] and others but I cut out soooo many people and feel better.

Oh and City, yeah I had to 86 that gotdamn FACEBOOK ugh!! I mean if you wanna get to kno me and shit....knomesaying we can do that OUTSIDE of Facebook. That sonofabitch site i SWEAR! ugh!! LOL


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Lil Honey B said...

I agree with houstongirl. Good post,city.

Niki-Nicole said...

Everything you wrote could have been applied to me until I turned 30 yrs old. I was and in some ways still am the kindest and most forgiving person. I was one of those people that made sure everyone else was happy before I even thought of myself. Those same people I was bending over backwards for are the same ones taking advantage of my weakness. After losing myself in other people's lives and forgiving wrongdoings multiple times for 10+ years, I decided to put myself first for once. After eight months, there's been such a change in my outlook on life. When I smile now, I smile for me and not because I made someone else happy. I may never change completely, but I know what and where my limits need to be with some, if not all people.

Anonymous said...

That's why I'm an asshole to errbody!!LOL

Masha said...

wasn't it in a Bible love your neighbor as yourself ?
Getting a little into philosophy, if you do what you like you have no reason to blame or being taken advantage of. Say you do something for someone because you enjoy doing it, so no matter if someone benefited of it you got your share of happiness regardless and if you feel that you don't want to do it than just don't. It comes back to love yourself and your limits.
By the way, good read you have on here sir.

city said...

I feel what you're saying Masha (and thanks for the reply) but what about the instances where you're not doing something you enjoy doing but only doing it to make someone else happy. It good be something done that actually hurts you but helps another person who is simply taking advantage of ur good nature because they know you care enough about them to do it

Masha said...

That is why, IMO, it's not worth to do things that just make the other person happy and you're not feeling it, because you already know that something aint right about it (you're not getting any pleasure doing it), later on you're getting into blame that you've done so much and not getting anything in return, your feelings are hurt, the person you've done something for feels obligated and not comfortable (if they have any morals at all) or as you said, they think that you are weak and letting them use you, which they are going to do any given moment. While in most cases people can handle their business themselves and if they put themselves in some situations, maybe it's time for them to learn how to get out without your help, helping them you're not only making their problem yours, you also get your feelings hurt because you know you will not be rewarded for it. Being selfish not bad, think about all the great things were created, they were done not for anyone but because people enjoyed doing what they were doing in the first place.
There might be the other side of the coin, that you might unconsciously or consciously want them to owe you, so you can manipulate them in the future, or might be you already know they are using you but you want to have this feeling that they still need you. See both ways it's selfish, but it's better to do what you like in the first place, than there would be no negative side to that, and people learn to respect your boundaries.